SUPER good ideas pt 1

Clairika was back at it again with pure genius ideas today! Today’s edition: a party, but themed like everyone is still in high school. 
The rules: 

-all liquor must be “stolen” from parents, and be in water bottles with little clue as to what it actually is 

-all liquor must cost $10 or under 

-High school dress code mandatory (Jean miniskirts, etc) Abercrombie / hollister encouraged 

-throwback music 

-bitching about parents is MANDATORY (i.e. Wow, my parents are soooo lame, they think I’m at _____ house)

-if you have a letterman jacket, you MUST wear it 

– and that sort of thing! 
So, what do you think? HILARIOUS? 

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Sounds About Right

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Today Claire and I took a buzzfeed quiz about which T-Swift we’d be in her video Blank Space.

Claire got “sitting on a bed with a knife,” because she’s not about to hide her emotions for anyone, and because she has a big personality that won’t be dialed back, bitch.

I got “screaming, crying, perfect storm” because I’m strong-willed, I know what I want, and I won’t take shit from anyone!

Pretty funny (and accurate) results if you ask me!

The Aftermath

The past several days of couch-potato-ing and day-drinking has taken its toll on the apartment. Our communal chalkboard reflects the problem:

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The sink is inaccessible beneath Mt. Dishes and we’ve had to resort to using to-go chopsticks as literally all of our utensils are dirty and running the dishwasher will mean first conquering the sink. Yikes.

Past the kitchen, the trash and recycling bins are overflowing and the living room floor is invisible beneath a layer of socks, solo cups, and to-go boxes.

Personally, my laundry hamper is approaching critical mass and I’m nearing the last day of clean bras.

Any sane family would devote today to a deep clean. As for us..? Well, we might.

If you don’t hear from us soon, send help because it’s likely we’ve vanished beneath the kitchen debris.

xo

-Claire

The Sex Diaries (Volume I, Part II)

Dear readers,

I’ve received some requests about post topics, and I’ve decided to post about bruises.

I’m all for rough sex, but it can be hard to deal with the post-sex marks/bruises that may have been made. When dealing with rough sex, it’s really important for you to set boundaries about what you would like:
– spanking?
– choking?
– tying down?
All of these are very important for you (and your partner) to know about, as it can be vital to your safety and comfort. As said in my last post, communication is key!

Another important aspect to think about is the possible lasting signs of rough sex–bruises. While rough sex can be fun, it isn’t always fun to explain bruises all over and bite marks to coworkers, family and friends. In scenarios like these, it’s important to make a game plan: either ride out the rough sex and deal with the explanations, or you and your partner can reach an agreement on what to do (any rough activities won’t leave bruises/less rough sex/etc.)

Essentially what I’m saying is that if rough sex is your thing (and gosh I don’t blame you), then it’s important that you stay safe, keep communication with your partner and make sure that you do what’s best for you–both in the moment and for your future! The last thing you want to have to explain is black eyes and bite mark bruises to sexual health professionals, so make sure you all stay safe and keep riding it rough!

Sincerely,
Lube is for the weak
– Hazel

Wine Wednesday

Happy Wine Wednesday! We like to meet Wednesdays with gusto and boxed Franzia like the classy, cheap people we are.

I just ate my weight in popcorn while (surprise) indulging in netflix with the gals.

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Our ideal bowl of popcorn:

A couple tablespoons of oil in a covered pot + 1/3-1/2 cup of kernels on medium heat until kernels are mostly popped. Stove popcorn tastes infinitely better than microwave popcorn.

Our secret to perfect hippie popcorn:

Drizzle with Tamari (our choice of gluten free soy sauce) and sprinkle with nutritional yeast for satisfying, salty, healthy popcorn. Our fave.

-Claire

Tiny Dancer

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We REALLY WANT A DOG. When we A: get a house, or B: figure out how to sneak one past the landlord, we’re getting a voluptuous pitbull named Tiny Dancer. Our beloved Tiny will be a spoiled lapdog and faithful guard dog.  The fighting over who’s bed he gets to sleep in will inevitably result in a vicious custody battle that leaves poor Tiny unstable and in need of extra love and therapy. We’ll mean well though.
Maybe it’s best if we wait on getting a dog.

p.s. seriously, fuck cats.

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