New Additions to Criminal Minds Drinking Game

As some of you may know, we are drinking game fans, as well as Criminal Minds fans. I just posted something about a drinking game about our favorite show, yet I don’t think they give enough opportunities to drunk. Here are some more potential rules that Erika and I (the drunk slutty slut, Hazel) have come up with:

– every time Reid spits off a crazy fact (relevant or not)
– every time you see someone you wanna fuck
– every time you sympathize with an unsub (mental disorder, due to abuse, etc)
– every time you see one of Morgan’s tattoos
– every time Elle is overtly sexual
– every time they jump to a conclusion
– every time Hotch talks to his son
– every time the unsub is a member of a police force
– every time the unsub threatens to kill their current victim
– every time the victim tries to negotiate with the unsub
– every time a BAU team members’ child in in danger
– every time there is a conflict with another government agency (foreign or domestic)
– every time they reference social media
– every time you get your heart broken
– every time they say “[wait] I think the unsub is a woman”
– every time Garcia makes a sexual comment when answering the phone and it wasn’t Morgan who called
– every time there’s “something they’ve never seen before” or something “unheard of”
– every time you recognize an actor that plays in another movie/show
– every time you aww at how much of a family the BAU team is
– every time you want to personally murder an unsub
– every time Morgan takes off an article of clothing
– sexual tension
– every time Garcia wows the team with her skills
– every time it’s near a college campus
– every time you notice that JJ has a new haircut/style
– every time Reid references chess/another game
– every time you wanna fuck Morgan (JK you’d get alcohol poisoning)

As you might tell, we like drinking. Get ready to get thraaaaaaashed
– still-drunk-Hazel
or, as in Erika’s phone: Hazel newly single drunk slut


Criminal Minds Drinking Game

Tonight, Erika and I (still drunk Hazel) drink heavily to deal with recent pains. I just got rejected, and while people say that it’s not my fault, i can’t help but think that I’m the one that fucked it up hard core. I’m sorry this isn’t fun, but I’m really kind of hanging onto the fact that he said that he liked me and we should take it slow and be friends for a while… maybe meaning that later we wouldn’t just be friends? I don’t think it was just a rebound, but maybe it is. I’m honestly more upset than our ending than me and my ex ending things… I’m just kind of in a state of hating myself. Maybe this means I can just have more drunk slutty sex and focus more on school? Yet I still don’t feel good. I feel drunk, but no where near good. Anywho, here are the rules to the criminal minds drinking games, although I don’t think they give enough enough opportunities to drink… Just wanna hide away forever

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The Aftermath

The past several days of couch-potato-ing and day-drinking has taken its toll on the apartment. Our communal chalkboard reflects the problem:


The sink is inaccessible beneath Mt. Dishes and we’ve had to resort to using to-go chopsticks as literally all of our utensils are dirty and running the dishwasher will mean first conquering the sink. Yikes.

Past the kitchen, the trash and recycling bins are overflowing and the living room floor is invisible beneath a layer of socks, solo cups, and to-go boxes.

Personally, my laundry hamper is approaching critical mass and I’m nearing the last day of clean bras.

Any sane family would devote today to a deep clean. As for us..? Well, we might.

If you don’t hear from us soon, send help because it’s likely we’ve vanished beneath the kitchen debris.



The Sex Diaries (Volume I, Part II)

Dear readers,

I’ve received some requests about post topics, and I’ve decided to post about bruises.

I’m all for rough sex, but it can be hard to deal with the post-sex marks/bruises that may have been made. When dealing with rough sex, it’s really important for you to set boundaries about what you would like:
– spanking?
– choking?
– tying down?
All of these are very important for you (and your partner) to know about, as it can be vital to your safety and comfort. As said in my last post, communication is key!

Another important aspect to think about is the possible lasting signs of rough sex–bruises. While rough sex can be fun, it isn’t always fun to explain bruises all over and bite marks to coworkers, family and friends. In scenarios like these, it’s important to make a game plan: either ride out the rough sex and deal with the explanations, or you and your partner can reach an agreement on what to do (any rough activities won’t leave bruises/less rough sex/etc.)

Essentially what I’m saying is that if rough sex is your thing (and gosh I don’t blame you), then it’s important that you stay safe, keep communication with your partner and make sure that you do what’s best for you–both in the moment and for your future! The last thing you want to have to explain is black eyes and bite mark bruises to sexual health professionals, so make sure you all stay safe and keep riding it rough!

Lube is for the weak
– Hazel

Wine Wednesday

Happy Wine Wednesday! We like to meet Wednesdays with gusto and boxed Franzia like the classy, cheap people we are.

I just ate my weight in popcorn while (surprise) indulging in netflix with the gals.

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Our ideal bowl of popcorn:

A couple tablespoons of oil in a covered pot + 1/3-1/2 cup of kernels on medium heat until kernels are mostly popped. Stove popcorn tastes infinitely better than microwave popcorn.

Our secret to perfect hippie popcorn:

Drizzle with Tamari (our choice of gluten free soy sauce) and sprinkle with nutritional yeast for satisfying, salty, healthy popcorn. Our fave.


Tiny Dancer


We REALLY WANT A DOG. When we A: get a house, or B: figure out how to sneak one past the landlord, we’re getting a voluptuous pitbull named Tiny Dancer. Our beloved Tiny will be a spoiled lapdog and faithful guard dog.  The fighting over who’s bed he gets to sleep in will inevitably result in a vicious custody battle that leaves poor Tiny unstable and in need of extra love and therapy. We’ll mean well though.
Maybe it’s best if we wait on getting a dog.

p.s. seriously, fuck cats.



We get pumped for Halloween here. We’re already knee-deep in planning our costumes (or I am, at any rate). So far I’ve already planned a Bonnie and Clyde for Friday night with my devilishly handsome boyfriend, Allen,


and an Anna and Elsa for a Saturday night Halloweekend party with our honorary roommate, Erika (@erikabearika). Planning has included a Frozen drinking game where singing along and wearing crowns are mandatory and drinking occurs with every mention of “love” or “snow” (there are a lot).

This is the spitting image of Erika and me once we’re in costume.

-Claire (or Elsa, either way)